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Q

I would just like to say that you did a very good "talk" today at my high school. I was wondering if you just had any advice on dating? Let me know Please! Thanks!
Age: 15
Gender: Female

A

I believe that dating is not a good idea until you are at least 16. I think you need that time to figure out how to be friends with many different types of people not focused on one relationship. I also think that group dating is a good idea until college. Group dating allows you the opportunity to hangout with a lot of different people even if you are particularly interested in one person. Also it takes a lot of pressure off getting more involved physically. Thanks for the great question.
Pam

Q

This really isn't a question I just wanted to say thank you for being bold and telling young people exactly what the consequences are if you have sex. I went my whole life thinking there is no way I am going to have sex before I am married. Before long though I started hanging out with the wrong crowd which did me in. A few months ago I had sex with a girl while I was high. At the time I didn't care. But the next day I woke up and I felt like death. It lasted for weeks. I heard you speak. You scared me to death. That day I made a promise, although my life will always be scarred, never again until I am married will I even put myself in the position to have sex. Thank you so much. You have no idea.
Age: 18
Gender: Male

A

You have made a decision that will affect your life today and in the future. I know that you won't regret it.

Q

A year ago, I was going through a really rebellious stage in my life, and I started looking at pornography and having cyber-sex. I stopped this almost immediately, and am no longer even tempted to look or do either. My paretns don't know about this, but they heard about RatedG, and so they switched to if. So I know that it's not even possible for me to do that anymore even if I was tempted. So my question is should my parents know about what I did? It was a while ago, and I don't want to talk about it or bring it up, but I wanted your opinion on this. Thanks.
Age: 14
Gender: Female

A

You might not like this answer, but I think you should tell your parents. Your parents are on your team. I believe they love you and want what is best for you. Thanks for the email.
Pam

Q

Dear Pam, Hello I am the mother of a 15 going on 16 year old girl who oversteps every boundry we lay down we are trying to home school her she takes off when our backs are turned sneaks off to be with friends boys she is sexually active that much we are sure of. Can you give me some idea's of some boundries I could lay down with her? Thank you Gabby
Age: 40-49
Gender: Female

A

Gabby: First let me say that you are NOT responsible for your daughters choices... SHE IS! That said, it sounds like you have tried to lay the boundaries down and I am not sure what the consequences have been and how they have been enforced.. but I would spend some time with your husband.. decide on what the boundaries need to be for her ( friends she can spend time with, what she does with her "free time", school activities, church activities, etc. ) decide ahead of time on what the consequences will be if she does not abide by the rules... and then present a united front... sit down with her, explain clearly what is expected and what the results will be if she does not do what is expected.. and stick to it. She may need to see a counselor, and she ABSOLUTELY needs to see a doctor. Please take her to and OBGYN that you trust and have her tested. She needs extensive STD testing, for both bacterial and viral std's ... and will have to at MINIMUM have a pap smear every 6 months now for the next three years before we will know what she may be carrying! She needs to understand how seriously she has put herself and her future and her ability to ever have children at risk. Sadly, it might take a very SERIOUS consequence in her life before she will realize what she is doing is wrong and turn her life around.
Pam

Q

Dear Pam, I have a wonderful bf. I love him so much. He never makes me do anything I don't want to do, he opens the door for me and is the sweetest thing in the world. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean I still love him, but I feel like the excitement is gone. I mean this is really strange because he and I have never kissed before. I find myself thinking of other guys. Not flirting with them, just thinking about them. My mom and dad love my bf. My brother's and sister's think him as an older brother. He is 17 almost 18. and i'll be 16 soon. he is my first bf. I don't know what to do. My mom has noticed that something is wrong. But I don't want to tell her b/c it'll break her heart. Everyone loves him, including me!! I still love him I really do. We even talk about getting married and my mom and dad like it. They ask for us to wait till after college for both of us. I don't know what is wrong with me. Do you have any suggestions? Please tell me, I could use some right now! Thank you.
Age: 15
Gender: Female

A

Dear Kendra, Thanks for the email. I don't think anything is wrong with you, but it does sound like this relationship is putting a lot of strain on you. It sounds like you are making good choices physically. I am not exactly sure what you mean by "excitement," and I am also concerned that a person your age is feeling pressure to think about marriage,etc. Fifteen is a very young age to be involved in a serious relationship. I don't even suggest that girls go on group dates until they are sixteen. I encourage you to talk to your parents about what you are feeling, so they completely know your side. Then have a serious talk with your boyfriend. Maybe it is time to take a step back from this relationship. Stay strong.

Q

Dear Pam, I am 21, and have met the girl of my dreams. I know that there is sruggles in a good relationship for learning reasons and grouth and what not, but I have hit a couple hard ones~Were we stand is We are pretty much engaged with the ring being made right now. With us bolth knowing where our relationship is going its touph to face the sexual end. We know the importance of saving it for marrage, but we get so dang close. We love eachother and will be married within a year. So when we play its alot of foreplay. We dont feel like were doing wrong all the time just some times, or no hardly ever. Is forplay ok for premarital partners, being engaged, is there limits or just the one. I want to be a great man of God for her and just want to make sure Im staying in the right! Second Question: One of my problems was that my watching my mom be protective all my life has rubbed off, and comes across more in a not trusting kinda way. Wich has brought us through a real touph time, I feel like its just a real bad habbit, cause deep down I trust her so much she is awsome and has a good walk with God! But me being an idiot am doing stupid things, like quizing her on things she did and what not, I dont want to and know its wrong, and want it gone!!! I want to treat her the best! I know I have scared her into thinking that that is the way I am, but I told her the truth, and I would prove it, I have bene doing really good, and God and some Good mentoring friends have helped me along aswell. But I just want to hear what you have to say~ I love this girl and want our relationship to be the best possible and her to always Love me and think the best of me~ I want to straighten up for her all the way~ added help ... Thank you, this is the first time Im wrote you!
Age: 21
Gender: Male

A

Dear Friend, It sounds like you are facing a lot of the normal "we are going to get married" struggles. I want to remind you that you are "pretty much engaged" and will be "married within a year". That doesn't mean that you are married now. I suggest that you discuss your boundaries today, knowing that your physical struggles will continue to increase until your wedding day. Know your boundaries and stick to them. Also, communication is going to be key. You will want to discuss with your girlfriend your relationship with your mother and why you may respond in a protective manner. You also need to understand that you are an adult and you are in control of your actions and questions, so start working on that today. Finding relationships that will encourage and challenge you is a great start. Stay strong!

 

 

 

 

Q

I have a friend named Chris. We have been friends for 6 years, and i have feeling for him. Should i tell him how I feel? Or should i let him make the first move?
Age: 15
Gender: Female

A

As a fifteen-year-old you are still underage for dating according to my family rules, so I would encourage you to continue to foster a friendship with Chris. Continue to plan events with groups of friends and in the future your friendship may grow into something more. I definitely think that friendship should be the focus at this point.

Pam Stenzel - Addressing the Importance of the Abstinence Advantage

Pam Stenzel, Founder of ENLIGHTEN COMMUNICATIONS Inc., tackles today’s tough issues of sex with candor, insight, humor, and the challenge for young people to get the abstinence advantage.

Pam has traveled worldwide, speaking in person to over 500,000 young people each year about issues of sexuality and the importance of abstinence - her videos are viewed by millions worldwide. Pam also holds seminars with parents and educators regarding issues of teen sex and how vital character building is in a child’s upbringing.

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